woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize