Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize