you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
