I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
