I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
