bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
