3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize