when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Is Oprah even human
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
