i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize