And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
