please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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