I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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