currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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