yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
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