just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
