They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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