If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
