I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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