I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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