Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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