Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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