i jhust puked up my retainher.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
