I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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