Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Randomize
