I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
