then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
