I wish my penis had an off switch
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
