She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
