There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
