Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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