Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
she woke up with a sticky ear
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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