It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
