I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
