3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
