i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
