I hope mine doesn't look like that
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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