Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize