I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
