She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize