She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
