Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
