I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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