with your own penis?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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