he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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