Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
