I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
