My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
