U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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