i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
