She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
