The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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