just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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