you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
