So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
