omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
