Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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