Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
