oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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