Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
