meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
My cat gives me a boner
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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