i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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