I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
