I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
