standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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