you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
