if i can run in heels then i can drive
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
