New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
MIDGETS
????
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
