We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
