I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
