apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
