Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
