6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I want to make a zoo with you.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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