when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
