Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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