ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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