Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Best friends brother. Beat that.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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