Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
