i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
