I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize