hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
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