it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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