he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
