the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
