Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
