There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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