Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize