Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
