This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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