I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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